I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
