dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
