he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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