hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
