im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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