I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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