A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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