quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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