Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
