Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
