you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
