Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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