Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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