I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
