dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
