I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
