There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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