I got her a Nickelback box set.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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