i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
