just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
