mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
