She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
