please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
accomplished twins. life is a go
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
