We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
