Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
