I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
