he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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