You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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