i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
