It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
