I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
