my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize