he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think a kid would responsible me up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
