I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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