Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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