Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
