We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
