we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We had sex on a dog bed..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
