I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
