When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
