xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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