the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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