toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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