day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
