my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
