every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
