i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
