I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
