I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
