Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
