So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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