hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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