I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
