the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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