I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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