I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
