Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
