He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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