Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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