At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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