Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
